I talked to Ibu tonight.
About everything I've been bottling up.
About the things that had hurt me.
How badly I was offended by Ayah's reaction.
How terrible my emotions were crushed by what had happened.
How bad I've been thinking abt myself.
How worse my feelings were practically disturbed.
After so long I hadn't shed a tears in front of her,
I cried, like a little girl.
if one day I had the chance to become a mother,
let me have patience greater than what my Ibu has.
I don't want to be like her. Please let me be better.
I believe the first child I raise is my ownself.
Make me good so that I deserve good kids.
Give me the conscience to understand, to be honest, to deal patiently with hurtful honesty by my children, make us understand each other, don't let me abandon one or another, grant me with tolerance, make my kids understand how I want the best for them, don't let me fall into despair, don't make us blame each other for any inconvenience. Don't let me neglect my role as a mother. Save me from regrets, and let me not stop trying to be better.
O' Allah, I am not blaming my parents.
Everyone has flaws. In fact the flaws are essential.
Their flaws are necessary for me, and for us six-siblings.
We grew up, noticing their mistakes and those flaws made us us, who learned from those imperfections and ensuring ourselves, " I don't want to do that. I'm not gonna be that way. I will never want to do the same mistake."
The pain we felt, we don't want others to experience the same. Because we knew how painful it was.
She just listened. She didn't say anything.
I hope I didn't hurt her too deep inside.
I just hope she understands.
Of how I've been restraining to let it out
and I finally did it,
I hope she understands, because I didn't spilled it out of anger or tension,
I did it because I don't want it to become worse.
I was afraid if I keep filling up my bottles,
it might one day explode and that day might make me put all the blame on them.
As a child today,
I really really hope she would understand this time.
And to the future me, please.
Try to understand your children just as how you wanted to be understood today.
Ibu, never will I dislike you.
And because of that, I decided to be true.
I love you so much Ibu.
Allah, I want her to understand me.
So make me understand her deeper in the future.
#anakbongsu #takmanja #selalupendam #sebabpercayayangorangtakfaham
But I do, have a little kid character that lies within me.
I believe everyone have it.